i need help
by hhgfdss
Summary: hiro hamada had a fun and happy life but then his fun and happiness left him. what reson does he have to live?
1. Chapter 1

chapter 1

 **au: this ismy second story! i'm still working on my first one, buti had another i dea i wanted to get off of my chest. this story may be emotional. it's a fanfic on hiro hamada. i won't say what happens at the end, but sense tadashi's death he has become suicidal and depressed. he hides it from everyone, and spends the whole storry weighing the options of suicide and living. i don't know at the moment how the story will end. i kind of make up stories as i go, so enjoy!**

hiro hamada was a happy, cheerful, little dude. he always brought joy into other people's lives. because he had joy in his. but then tadashi died... and all that is a memory. hiro is not how he was before. he's depressed, and suicidal. everyday he battles the urge to commit suicide. but everyday it gets harder and harder. he needs help, but refuses to admit it. he won't seek help. he's too afraid that no one will want to be his friend if they know he's depressed. he wants to be happy, but that's an impossibility without tadash.

so there he lay on the bathroom floor. tearing his arms and legs apart. he repeatedly sliced at his flesh. he thought he'd never hit a vein, buthe was missjudging the depth of his cuts. so, with one last slice of the blade, he screamed at the unusuall and unexpected pain in his wrist. he looked down to see blood _pouring_ from his wound. it was at that moment he knew he needed help. he got up to tell his aunt but she beat him. she burst through the door, hearing his screams. she screamed at what she saw. blood pouring from his wrist and plenty of lightly bleeding cuts on the rest of his arms and legs. there were even more scars.

"HIRO! WHAT?!..." she trailed off in utter disbelief.

"Aunt Cass, i need help!"

"What hap-"

" i hit a vein, call 911!" her jaw dropped," i'll explain later, but you need to call 911 right now, or i'm gonna bleed out! go!" he screamed in pain.

she ran to call 911. she reported as best as she could with the little information she had. she ran back up to hiro.

"Hiro, are you okay?!"

hiro sat on the floor of the bathroom breathing shallowly.

"Hiro, i called an ambulance. they'll be here in a few minutes."

"I don't have a few minutes" hiro said weakly," i'm not gonna make it."

"Hiro, don't you dare say that. you'll be okay!"

"No, i won't. i'm going to die," he said simply," There's a suicide note in my journal. it'll explain everything. i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to hit the vein today. but it would've happened eventually." a few tears fell from his eyes.

"Hiro, please! i can't loose you too." ( **au: sound familiar?** ) "You're not ready to die!"

"yes. i am." he laid himself on the floor and made himd=self comfortable, "i love you."

 ** _his heart stopped beating._**

suddenly, the paramedics burst through the door.

she bolted for the door and ledthem up to where hirowas.

I looked down at my body laying on the floor.

 _I had just died._

i had heard of out-of-body experiences.

but i never thought they were really real.

yet hear i am. outside my body;

watching paramedics load my body into an ambulance and shock me.

at first i thought it was no use, but then after a few shocks, i felt a tug. then everything went white.


	2. Chapter 2

**AU: wow. that first chapter was intense. as for whether he's alive or not: you're about to find out.**

I opened my eyes very slowly. the light in the room was bright. I immediately knew I was in a hospital. I saw my friends and family., fred, gogo, honey lemon, wasabi, and aunt cass. they hadn't noticed I was awake yet. on one hand I was glad to be alive, but on the other, I was afraid of what would happen next.i also debated on telling them I had an out-of-body experience. I wondered if they would believe me. I decided to let them know I was awake, but when I tried to talk I realized I had lost my voice. knowing I couldn't talk I reached my hand out and put it on my aunt's shoulder. she looked up at me and I gave her a smile to let her know I was physically okay. but my mind was racing.

"Hiro!" everyone cheered as they crowded around me. I didn't mind though.

"Hiro, I'm so glad you're okay!" aunt cass proclaimed. I sat up.

"How long was I out?"

"Almost a week." Gogo replied.

"Wow." I looked down at my wrist to see a huge gash stitched closed. some of my other cuts had mostly healed over by now.

"I'm so sorry." I choked out, "I didn't want this to happen. I mean- I... did. but not now. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you guys, I just..."

"Hiro, it's okay." fred comforted me by giving me a hug to calm me down.

'Hiro, I read the note you told me about. I'm so sorry. I had no idea..." aunt cass trailed off.

"It was my fault for keeping it from you." I said, "I should've told you a long time ago."

hiro's note:

 _deer reader,_

 _I'm not dead yet... hopefully. but I know I can't hold on much longer. my life is hell. I've been bullied my whole life. people would call me names at frist, but it then escalated into them beating me up every day. remember those black eyes and bruises I came home with all the time? that wasn't an accident. that was constant abuse. I've never told anyone about this. and no one needs to know. I could deal with it before. but something finally broke me. people were calling me gay, a slut, a whore, they nicknamed me "homo hiro". one day, they just had to be sure they were right._

 _they raped me. when I was 10._

 _three of them took their turns on me for a whole hour. they beat me afterwards._

 _it gets worse._

 _then tadashi died in the fire at sfit. that was it. I couldn't take it any longer. I cut deeper; cried harder every night. I broke when they raped me, but I shattered when tadashi died. I want to see him again. wherever he is, I want to be there with him. and I want to get away from this hell of a planet. I want to be free of my trials and burdens. I have no hope of being happy without tadashi. I need him. I CAN'T live without him._

 _enjoy my company as long as I'm alive. it can't be long._

 _I'm sorry._

 _-hiro_

"What happened?" honey lemon asked cautiously.

I looked at her. I decided she should know. all of them should know.

"I've been bullied my whole life. it was harmless name calling at first. it wasn't even that bad. then it escalated. they started calling me gay. and a slut. I was given the nickname 'homo hiro'. when I was 10, they decided to see if it was true."

"They did NOT." Gogo warned.

"Ya, they did. they raped me. they took my virginity when I was 10. three of them took their turns on me for an hour strait. I finally broke. that's when I started cutting. I cried every night. I still do. then when tadashi died. I shattered. I cut deeper; cried harder." I decided to take my hospital shirt off and show them my scars so they didn't underestimate how bad it was. tears were now streaming down my face. this was my lowest point. they knew. they knew everything I didn't want them to know.

everyone looked at me in shock. I put my shirt back on and laid back in my hospital bed. I looked at my wrist. it scared me, honestly. I put that arm under the - who hadn't said a word the whole time- sat in a chair next to me and ran his fingers through my hair- just like tadashi used to. I winced and turned away. he then put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.

"Listen, Hiro, I promice we won't let anything happen to you."

"Are you feeling any better?" the nurse asked as she walked in.

"I need help."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **AU: I appreciate the one review I have. das ok tho. one's better than none! I don't write because I'm good at it (cause I'm not) or for followers or popularity. I write stories to channel my feelings. it's the only way I know how. so basicaly I write what I'm thinking and put into a different story format. (just know, I have never been raped or bullied.) I just think about suicide a lot. no one close to me has died recently. I just have issues with my parents and with a relationship with a friend and I'm sick of dealing with it. anyway, I won't get into that. I bet you just want to read the next chapter of the story. so here we go! ENJOY!**

"What do you mean?" Aunt Cass asked, as it was a rather unusual thing for hiro to say. he NEVER needed help.

I rolled onto my back and looked at everyone, "I think about suicide everyday. everyday, I wish there was a way to end my problems without having to leave my family behind. I keep telling myself there's another solution out there, but I just can't find it. I want to see my brother again. every night before I fall asleep i pray that when I wake up i'll be with tadashi- wherever he is- or never wake up at all. I'd rather die than live without tadashi."

"Do you think therapy could help?" The nurse suggested.

"I don't know if anything can help." I answered honestly.

"Do you think you could give it a try?"

I sighed, "I guess."

"Anything it takes for you to feel better." Aunt cass assured me by holding my hand and squeezing it.

"I don't know if that'll ever happen."

"Hiro, listen to me." Aunt cass ordered, "There is always a way to feel better without ending your life. but you cant feel better if you don't try. please. promise me you'll try?"

I decided it was worth a try. and if it didn't work, it's never too late to die. so I nodded and gave her a hug to re-assure her.

"I'm going to get a doctor to come and check your vitals. i'll be back." with that, the nurse left us alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**AU: thank you for the reviews!** **hamdabrosrule I have considered the idea, but revenge is never the answer. so I will kinda use your idea and my idea in this situation so everybody's happy. and ya. i'm mad too, but I just liked the idea for some stupid reason.**

Chapter 4

"Hiro, who were those people who did this to you?" fred asked.

"i don't know. Why?" hiro asked.

"'cause when I find them, i'm going to kill them."

"No, Fred, don't. that's not the answer. we can't just kill people whenever we feel like it."

"Hiro! They freakin' _raped_ you! don't tell me your not even a little mad!"

"No! I don't! don't you remember how that worked out for Callaghan?! he's in jail for getting revenge! have you learned nothing from him?!"

"Well, you didn't seem to learn anything from your brother when you flew into that portal and almost died!"

"As if you would care!" hiro screamed, "As if any of you care! what if I didn't even try to get out of there? hell, I could've just stayed there with baymax!"

"But then you would die." Fred said quietly.

"what if that's what I wanted? What if that's what I still want? Guys, like it or not, i'm sick of being here. it's not worth it. none of you even care if I died. no one would." he looked at his aunt, " why couldn't you have just left me there to die? like it old you to."

his aunt looked at him through her tears, "Because I love you too much to let you go."

hiro looked around. he saw a window across the room. he looked at everyone around him. he looked into his aunt's eyes and said, "I'm sorry."

he bolted for the window. he slid it open and was about to jump out when his aunt grabbed him by the arms.

"Hiro! no! don't!" his aunt screamed. wasabi ran to get a doctor.

"NO! let go of me!" hiro fought against his aunt's grip, "Let go of me!"

"Hiro! please! you can't do this to me!"

"Watch me!"

"HIRO!"

aunt cass wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. hiro struggled to get free, but she wouldn't let go. he finally gave in and sobbed into her shoulder. he cried relentlessly. the tears just wouldn't stop.

"Shhh... it's ok, hiro. I've got you. it's ok." she rubbed his back and ran her fingers though his hair and massaged his shoulders, "Hiro, I can't loose you. you hear me?" hiro nodded, "I can't loose you."

the doctor burst through the door. he was about to inject a tranquillizer (or what ever they're called. I don't even know) but cass stopped him.

"No. don't. he's ok. I got him." she went to pull away, but hiro pulled her back.

"No. don't leave me,"

"Hiro, I will never leave you. I promise." aunt cass said.

"Ya, none of us will." honey lemon said, with that they all joined the hug.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

 **AU: you know, i'm really enjoying writing this story. I can't get enough of it! anyway, i'm still working on incorporating your idea, Hamadbrosrule. i'll hopefully get that in in this chapter.**

They finally got hiro to completely calm down and they put him back in his bed. he laid there and aunt cass sighed deeply as she ran herfingers through his hair.

"Why does she get to do that, but not me?" wasabi asked himself. gogo punched him in the shoulder.

hiro, hearing his question replied, "Why are you people so obsessed with my hair?"

"Because it's awesome." Fred jumped into the conversation that finally had emerged.

"Only aunt cass and tadashi are allowed to do that." hiro stated gloomily. wasabi weeled his chair up to hiro.

"Are youokay, little dude?"

"I don't know."

then the nurse walked in.

"I'm sorry, but unless you're a direct relative I have to ask you to leave for now."

his friends cooperated and left to wait in the waiting room.

"So, you said you would try therapy?"

"ya."

"ok, so here are some of the therapists we have here that can help you with your case. I have their info and backgrounds for you to look over to help you make your decision."

"ok."

"'is there anything else you need? any questions?"

"When can I go back home?"

"Well, due to what happened earlier today, the doctors have put you on suicide watch. you'll have to stay another night, but you may be able to leave tomorrow evening."

"ok."

"when ill he start therapy?" aunt cass asked.

"First you have to figure out witch therapist you want. then we'll figure out when."

"ok."

"Is that all?"

"Ya."

"Ok." the nurse left them alone. a few minutes later his friends came back in.

"What was that about?" gogo asked.

"Oh, I just have to figure out which therapist I want."

"They want you to do therapy?" fred asked.

"It can't hurt to try. hopefully."

"It won't." aunt cass reassured.

hiro sighed as he looked through the papers.

"No." he tossed one on the floor, "no. no. diffidently not. no. Yikes!" he came down to two. he placed them on his bed and turned them so his friends could see them.

"which one?" he asked.

"You get to pick." honey lemon said.

"I can't decide. what do you think?"

"umm... I think this one." she held up a picture of a woman with short dark brown hair and blue eyes.

"Ya, she looks nice." wasabi added.

"Ok. I guess i'll try this one."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: ok, just a heads up, this chapter will be super intense. and possibly emotional. ENJOY!**

Chapter 6:

hiro had gone to a few sessions with his therapist and they were okay. his therapist was as nice as she looked but they hadn't gotten very far. the past few weeks they were just getting to know each other. he had told in great detail how his parents and brother had died and how he was bullied. but this week would be very different. the therapist called him in and he sat in his usual chair.

"Hi, hiro. how are you?"

hiro shrugged, "I don't know...really bored of being stuck here."

"is my office really that boring?" she joked.

"No, i mean this planet. i don't even know why, but everyday, life just gets harder and harder to deal with. every time i start thinking about killing myself, the only thing stopping me is knowing how much it would hurt my aunt. i'm just afraid one day i wont."

"I know why you're afraid of that happening."

"Why?"

"Because deep down, you really don't want to die. you want to find another way out of your troubles, but suicide feels like the only option. right?"

"Ya, i guess. is there another way out?"

"I'll be completely honest with you. there isn't." hiro's face physically fell with sadness and disappointment, " but. it's not about finding a way out."

"What? then what am i supposed to do?"

"Some people will say to wait for the storm to pass. some people will say to do something about it to change the circumstances. but what i've found is the only truth out there, is that: it's not about changing the weather; it's not about waiting for the storm to pass; but it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"How do i do that?"

"That's not something i-or anyone else can help you with-because we've all been through something different. it's something you have to learn to do on your own. people will say to lean on others for support, but as you already know from experience, those people won't always be there for you. they all will have to leave at some point, so it's not about leaning on others. it's about learning to stand on your own. and honestly, that can take a while. it's takes patience-with yourself and others. if you fall, you have to get back upon your own show everyone around you that you're stronger than they think. show yourself that your stronger than you ever thought."

"What if i can't get back up?"

"Someone will always be there. because you are NEVER alone. someone is always thinking about you. someone is always praying fro you. do you know who that is?"

"No."

"It's Jesus."

"Don't pull this religious bull crap-"

"He watches over you every second of every day. his thoughts about you-in one second-are more than the sand grains on the shore of every beach combined. he loves you. he created you. and he created you for a purpose. he's watching over you right now. he always has been. he always will be."

"Where was he, the day my parents died? where was he the day my brother died?! Where was he, the day i nearly died, because he made my life a living hell?"

"the day your parents died, He was begging the bar tender not to give that man another drink. he was begging your parents to stay home that day. he may have let your parents die, but he kept you and your brother safe. he's kept you safe until this very day. if your parents never died and if you never went to live with your aunt she wouldn't have been there to call the hospital when you almost died. if you lived with your parents they may have been out of town that day and you wouldn't be sitting here right now. the day you brother died, he was begging that man not to start the fire. he was begging tadashi not to run inside. he may have let your brother die, but he did it to keep you safe."

"How was that keeping me safe?"

"He knew tadashi had already ran inside and that you were going to follow him. and he knew that by letting the building explode while your brother was in there was the only way to keep you from running in too. everyday you picked up the blade. he was begging you to put it back down. he was begging you not to cut yourself. he was begging you to ask for help. the day you nearly died. he was telling you aunt that your screaming wasn't a prank. he was telling your aunt that you needed help. he was telling her to run up those stairs and help you. he was telling the ambulance driver to floor it. he was telling the paramedics to shock you _one. **last.** time. to bring you back. _ and it was all worth it. you are worth it. you were worth saving. you are worth more to him than anything else. he planned all of this out so that you would be sitting here right now. if you hadn't almost died that day, you wouldn't have admitted you needed help. and you wouldn't be sitting here right now. and i wouldn't be helping you make better sense if why this has all happened. and all your life, he has been begging those bullies to stop torturing you. he was begging them not to rape you. he was begging them to leave you alone. but they wouldn't listen."

they were both crying now. he never realized how much someone could care about him.

"If he knew this was all going to happen, and he planned it for a reason. why did he beg for it not to happen even if he knew it would turn out okay?"

"have you heard the story of Jesus being crucified?"

"Ya, mu parents and my brother went to church when i was younger, but i wouldn't go. so they ranted about it when they got home, but i just wouldn't buy it."

"When he was in the garden of Gethsemane, he knew the roman soldiers were going to capture him and he knew he was going to be crucified. so he begged his father in heaven to find another way, but he knew he would rise again three days later. he knew that everything would be okay in the end. and it was worth it. now there's a way for everyone to go live in heaven when they die. do you know if your parents or your brother were Christians?"

"Ya, they were. they tried to convince me, but i wouldn't buy it. it just sounded to unrealistically perfect."

"That's what makes it so amazing."

suddenly her alarm went off for the next patient.

"Oh, it's time for the next appointment."

"Ok." hiro got up to leave.

"Hey, before you go, do you think you might want to get saved?"

"I don't know."

"Well, if you do, you'll finally be able to see them when you die."

"Just... i'll think about it."

"Okay, take all the time you need to. i'll see you next week, okay?"

hiro turned around and hugged her.

"Thank you. you really helped me today."

"No problem. it's what i do."

"I'll see you next week." he said as he let go of her.

"Okay, bye,"

"bye."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Merry Christmas and happy New Year! anyway on to the next chapter! ENJOY!**

Chapter 7

It was Hiro's first day back at SFIT sense what happened. he walked into his first robotics class and saw all his friends at their usual desks and waved. they al waved back. hiro went to make his way to his desk but Professor Callaghan stopped him.

"Hey, Hiro. I heard what happened from your friends. are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me."

"I am worried about you. you're a prodigy not to mention an amazing person. we'd all hate to lose you."

"Look, I'm fine okay?" with that, hiro made his way to his desk.

"Hey, where have you been?" jack, his bully sense 1st grade, asked after class in the hallway.

"dead." hiro responded sarcastically. though it was somewhat true.

jack scoffed, "I wish."

"Hey, maybe he tried to kill himself." someone shouted out.

"Ya, like we've all been telling him to!" another shouted.

"So, what'd you do? overdose? Hang yourself? Slit your wrist?" jack nagged. hiro just stood there.

"Oh, come on! we all want the details. Don't we?" he yelled as he turned to the crowd.

"So, tell us. what'd you do?" he sad as he turned back to hiro.

"You've been doing this to me for 12 years. why don't you fuck off already?" hiro retorted.

"Why don't you go kill yourself? and make it work this time. geez. i'm sick of seeing your stupid face all the time."

a tear slipped down his cheek.

"Oh, I'm sorry. did that hurt your pathetic feelings?" jack rolled his eyes, "Just do everyone a favor and go die." with that he walked off to his next class.

hiro ran to the bathroom and threw up. when he was done he sat there and cried. he didn't know how long he sat there. hours maybe. several people came in and out and didn't even care. until finally Callaghan wandered in. he heard hiro crying.

"Hiro? is that you?" he walked over to the stall door, "Hiro?" he pushed on the door to see that it was unlocked. he went in to see hiro sitting on the bathroom floor crying. his sweater was taken off, exposing all his scars. he walked in as hiro was digging his pocket knife into his vein-this time on purpose. blood poured onto the floor as Callaghan ran over to him, yanked the knife out of his hands, and flung it in some random direction.

"Hiro! What the hell are you doing?!" he pulled out his phone.

"No, Please! Just leave me!"

"I'm not leaving you, hiro." he dialed 911.

"Please! i'm begging you! just leave me!"

"Not gonna happen!" he pressed the call button ad reported what happened.

"Hiro, it's okay. the ambulance is coming. you're gonna be alright. it's okay." Callaghan comforted hiro.

"no... i's~ it's not... okay... l-leave~ me... please."

"Hiro, I'm not leaving you."

"Please..." hiro begged. he closed his eyes and prayed the ambulance wouldn't get there in time.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: so sorry this took so long to update! I've been obsessed with my other stories! and i promise i will incorporate hiro's revenge eventually. i just keep forgetting and coming up with other ideas. hehehe...**

 **ENJOY!**

Chapter 8:

Aunt cass was working busily in the café when she go the phone call. she should've known it was a bad idea to send hiro back to schools early! she sped to he hospital where she was told hiro was. a doctor led him to his hospital room.

"What did he do to himself?" she asked anxiously.

"He slit his left wrist open just like he did the last time. we almost couldn't save him. he'll be out for a while but when he wakes up, don't over stimulate him. just make him comfortable until he recovers." they stopped outside the door to his room, "And when he doe recover, i think it would be good idea to put him in a suicide watch facility to keep an eye on him. it's not mandatory, but i highly recommend it unless you have the time to look after him."

aunt cass thought about it. she didn't have time to look after him. she had a café to run she could always close down until she thought se could trust him by himself. but Lord knows how long that could take. she'd have to discuss it with him when he woke up.

"If you do decide to look after him yourself, you need to keep anything he could use to hurt himself where he can't get to it or doesn't know where it is. that includes pills, knives, anything sharp, ropes, chains, or anything else he could use to hang himself, firearms especially. that's the big one. and lock all the windows in the upper levels of your house with a passcode lock. just do everything you can to keep him safe. and if he has a relapse take him here and we can watch him here too. we just won' be able to watch him as closely."

"I'll talk to him about it when he wakes up."

"Ok." with that the doctor left her to see her nephew.

She walked into his room an saw him laying there peacefully. the heart monitor beeping steadily.

 _beep. beep. beep. beep. beep._

"Hiro, what am i doing wrong? i just want you to be okay."

 _beep. beep. beep. beep. beep._

"hiro, i love you. you know that don't you?"

 _silence._


	9. announcement!

**ok, so i haven't been getting very many views lately, and i'm starting to not really want to continue this story cause... idk. i just like my other stories better, but when you see this, please leave a review and tell me if you want me to keep going. if i get no reviews or no one wants me to then i'll just delete the story cause it's unfinished.**

 **thanks!**


	10. Chapter 9

**AN: ok, i guess i'll continue, but i still need some ideas as to what should happen so let me know what you can think of!**

Chapter 9:

 _silence..._

"no... no. no. no. no. no. no! NO! HIRO! HIRO PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!" aunt cass screamed though her tears. doctors ran in and began CPR.

"Mam yo need to leave."

"NO! NO WAY AM I LEAVING MY NEPHEW!"

"Please, we're gonna have to shock him. you can't be in here." the doctor managed to get her out of the room and they began shocking hiro.

"Clear!"

 _shock_

 _silence..._

 _"Clear!"_

 _shock_

 _silence..._

 _"Clear!"_

 _shock_

 _silence..._

 _"Clear!"_

 _shock_

 _..._

 _beep. beep. beep. beep. beep._

"YES!" all the doctors cheered.

 _beep. beep._

 _silence..._

"NO!" one of the doctors began CPR.

"Clear!"

 _shock_

 _beep._

 _silence..._

 _CPR_

 _"Clear!"_

 _shock_

 _beep. beep._

 _silence..._

 _CPR_

 _"Clear!"_

 _shock_

 _beep. beep. beep._

 _silence._

 _beep._

 _silence._

 _beep. beep._

 _CPR_

 _beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep._

eventually hiro regained a steady heartbeat. one of the doctors came up to aunt cass.

"The good news is we managed to save him. the bad news is: he's in a coma."

"Oh, my God..."

"I'm sorry, but there's a good chance he'll wake up soon. the shocking was was just a lot of trauma to his brain."

"OK. can i see him?"

"Of course."

the doctor lead her to hiro's new room. she went inside and sat by hiro. she held his hand and ran her fingers through his hair.

Please, hiro. i can't lose you. i can't"

 **AN: okay, that was emotional. sorry it was so short but like i said i'm kind of out of ideas. so be sure to leave a review and give me some ideas or all the chapters are gonna be boring. lol. PEACE!**


	11. Chapter 10

**AN: ok, i'ma write the next chapter!**

Chapter 10:

(three weeks later)

hiro had awoken from his coma and aunt cass decided she would let her employees run the café for a while, while she watched hiro.

hiro was in his room and aunt cass was making dinner.

he sat up against the wall-gun aimed at his temple-ready to shoot.

 _"Wait... should i really do this? if i shoot myself, there's no going back."_

 ** _"That's kinda the point. unless you die instantly, someone's gonna save you."_**

 _"I don't want to be saved."_

 ** _"Then pull the damn trigger."_**

"I'm sorry."

hiro squeezed his eyes shut and was about to end it when he heard his aunt from downstairs.

"Hiro! dinner's ready!"

"Shit!" he whisper-screamed.

"I'll be down in a minute!" hiro yelled back.

hiro hid the gun and went downstairs.

"Hey! how are you?"

"Hiro looked down at the floor and blinked back tears."

"Hiro?"

"i'm fine." he answered way too quickly.

aunt cass pushed his bangs out of his face and looked into his eyes.

"Hiro, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." he said as he pulled away from her.

Hiro, i know how you get when something's wrong. i can see it in your eyes. you look like you're gonna burst into tears. you shut the world out nd refuse t talk about it. let me guess: you're not hungry either?"

"I'm fine. can i just go back to my room?"

"No. i know something's wrong and until you tell me, you're staying here with me."

"Aunt cass! i'm just tired!"

"You're also a terrible liar. come on. just eat dinner with me. that's all i ask for now."

hiro sighed in defeat, "Fine."

hiro sat through dinner barely touching his food.

"Hiro, are you gonna eat that?"

"Are you gonna force me if i say no?"

"No. how about we watch a movie on the couch?"

"Ok, fine."

"you can pick the movie."

"Alright."

by the end of the movie, hiro ant aunt cass were both laying on the couch with hiro in front and aunt cass behind him. as the movie ended she asked hiro, "Are you awake?"

"Barely..."

"Hiro, you know i love you right?"

"Ya."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course i do. what are you talking about?"

"It's just... it's just really hard knowing that one of my only family members is thinking about suicide on a daily basis and there's nothing i can do about it."

"Would you like it better if i wasn't here and you didn't have to deal with me?" hiro asked tying his best not to cry.

"Of course not. hiro, i just want you to be okay. i want everything to go back to the way it was."

"I do too, but that's never gonna happen. i'm too broken." hiro couldn't hold back the tears any longer, "I can't be fixed."

aunt cass flipped hiro over so he was facing her and hugged him.

"Hiro. you are not broken."

"Aunt cass, my life is falling apart. i'm falling apart."

"You know, i like to believe that your life isn't falling _apart_. it's falling into place."

"If tis is what my life's gonna be like, then i'm done."

"Hiro, give it some time. lie's not done working itself out yet. giving up now, i like giving up in a robot before it's even built. you need to give it a chance to work out. i promise it will." hiro sniffled, "Hiro, i can't lose you. you're all i have left."

"Ok."


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: ok, i got nothin to say so i'ma write this chapter.**

 **ENJOY!**

Chapter 11:

Hiro and aunt cass fell asleep hugging eachother on the couch. hiro woke up with his face buried in his aunts shirt.. he sat up and rubbed his eyes, the motion waking up his aunt.

"Morning, Hiro."

hiro just grunted in response.

"Sleep okay?"

"Mh-hm." hiro finally took his hands out of is eye sockets, "Am i allowed to take a shower, or do i have to smell like an ape all day?" aunt cass thought for a second, "Oh, come on! that was a joke! come on, i stink!"

aunt cass sighed, "Fine, 10 minutes."

"Woah. that's crossing the line. you know it takes me at least 20."

"Hiro. 10 minutes then i'm coming in to make sure you're okay."

"would it kill you to trust me JUST ONCE?!"

"No, but it might kill you!" hiro was silent for a moment, "I'm sorry. i didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"That's bullshit."

"What?"

"You don't even know the meaning of sorry. you don't know what it's like to be sorry. you don't _know._ you don't know _anything._ "

"Hiro-"

"You don't know the things I've done. you don't know the things _i'm_ sorry for. you have no idea what it feels like to be sorry." hiro was practically enraged at this point.

"Then what does it feel like to be sorry?" aunt cass retorted.

"Complete and utter guilt that eats away at you for the rest of your life. i's a feeling that makes you wish you were dead!"

"What did you do that's so bad?"

"I KILLED MY BROTHER!" hiro screamed.

aunt cass had WTF written all over her face, "Woah, woah, woah. wait a minute."

"HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

"Hiro, tadashi's death was not your fault. why are you blaming yourself?!" hiro collapsed against the side f the couch crying.

"It's all my fault. it's all my fault. it's all my fault..." he cried. aunt cass went to hug him but he shoved her away.

"Get away from me! quit pretending you'll forgive me! quit pretending you love me! i'm sick of it! i'm sick of everything! i can't do this anymore!"

"Hiro. Hiro, look at me." hiro refused to look at her so she just kept talking, "Just take a few deep breaths and tell me why you think it's your fault. just tell me. i want to understand."

"You will NEVER understand."

"That's okay just tell me. please?"

hiro didn't say anything. aunt cass was about to say something else but then he started talking.

"After we said we'd catch up, we were looking out over the city."

"Ok."

"He told me he was proud of me and all that and we were talking and stuff and-"

"Keep going."

"The fire alarms started going off. we went to go see what was going on. someone came out and said Professor Callaghan was still inside." hiro tried to keep talking but he could find his voice. he started breathing really fast.

"Hiro, it's okay. take a deep breath." hiro took a deep shaky breath and continued.

"He- He ran towards the building. I- grabbed his arm and tried to stop him." aunt cass put a hand on his shoulder, "He said, 'someone has to help'."

"Okay, what happened next?"

"He- He R-ran inside. his hat flew off. i picked it up. i was about to go after him but-" hiro started hyperventilating.

"Hiro! Hiro, calm down, okay? it's okay. it's alright. just calm down. take a deep breath, hiro." aunt cass said as she cupped the side of his face, trying to calm him down.

"The building exploded..." hiro sobbed. aunt cass hugged him. hiro took a few seconds to calm down.

"Okay, what part of that was your fault?" she asked cautiously.

"If- if i had stopped him. if i had held him back just a _little longer._ he would be okay. everything would be okay."

"See? there's the problem."

"What?"

"All of those sentences had 'if' and 'would' in them. you're focusing on what _could've_ happened instead of accepting what _has_ happened."

"it's what would've _-_ what _should've_ happened if-"

Hiro, you did it again! all those words: would, could, should, if. they're all bound to make you miserable. instead, you should be focusing on: will, can, and when. you're living in the past, hiro. it' not good for you." she paused for a moment, "Hiro, _you_ didn't kill your brother."

"Then who did? was it _his_ fault for going inside?"

"It wasn't anyone's fault. it was an accident. no one wanted him to die. he was just trying to do the right thing. it's not you fault. just because you were there and you COULD'VE stopped him, but didn't, doesn't mean you killed him. the fire killed tadashi. not you."

"No, the fire didn't kill tadashi. the person who _started_ the fire did." hiro concluded.

"and we're never gonna know who that was. all the evidence is in ashes."

"So was my brother." hiro seethed.

"and it's too late to change that. there's nothing we can do about that now. we just have to accept it. i know it's hard and it takes time, but you have to accept what's happened and move on."

"I can't"

"Yes, you can, hiro."

"How?"

"Just stop living in the past. forgive and forget. you're alive. live your life _now_ instead of trying to relive what _could've_ happened. instead, think about your future. what do you want to do with your life?"

"I want to end it.'

"No, that's what you want to do _to_ your life. what do you want to do _with_ your life?" hiro thought for a bit.

"I want to be happy."

"see? that's it!"

"But i can't be happy without tadashi."

"Hiro."

"what?"

"Does being around me not make you happy?"

"well, ya but-"

aunt cass smirked. hiro sighed.

"Can i take a sower now?"

"10 minutes."

"FINE." hiro seethed.

with that, hiro went up stair to take a shower.


End file.
